Stress.

I had a realization yesterday about how much stress reeks havoc on my life.  Three of our top four accounts  put my Monday into a tailspin.  And it was the kind of stress that makes your brain hurt.  I would prefer 9 hours of physical labor over 9 hours of mental labor any day.  That stress spilled over into Tuesday.  Both days I didn't get home until near or after 8pm.  (Writing this now with bags under my eyes at 8:30pm and just wanting to go to bed.)

Stress can come in all forms... work, family, personal mind games, relationships, etc...  Mine seems to be D).. all of the above.  My dad had back surgery last week and is now in a nursing home until Friday.  He is doing awesome.  But at the same time I worry about him.  Is he lonely?  Is he getting the right foods to eat?  He is diabetic and refuses to eat paleo.  And I was in shock Sunday night when his food tray consisted of a sweet corn muffin, fruit with cottage cheese, and orange sherbet.  All of which will send insulin skyrocketing.  The first 3 ingredients for sherbet are all sugar related.  Ok, I digressed...  My brother has been having some private issues and had to go in today for testing.  So I was a man down at work.  Work.... oh good lord.... work.  I work/own Cable & Connector Technologies with my brother.  We import custom and off the shelf cables.  Ya know all those cords behind your computer and tv?  Yeah, I sell those.  Anyways, custom cables are made to customer's specific needs.  Usually for specialty equipment.  This requires talking to engineers.  Have you ever dealt with engineers?  Some of them are wonderful.  (Kudos to Huy if he ever reads this)  Others are a pain in the ..... That was my Monday... and Tuesday... and probably Wednesday. 

And here's THE BIG STRESS:  Personal Mind Games.  Ok, so I told you last week that I am officially a size 10.  I have never been a size 10, at least that I can remember.  So somewhere in the back of my head this little voice has been telling me that I can stop.  That I look good enough.  That I should just eat that ice cream and not worry about it.  So Sunday night I had a come to Jesus moment with... myself.  I remember a multi-millionaire once telling my brother and I that we would never live in a huge house or be millionaires unless we could literally "see" ourselves in that house or as millionaires.  So as of Sunday  night I have decided to start seeing myself as an 8.  I have googled pics of people with before and after pics as my inspiration.  It has helped.  I am pushing forward.

What has all this stress done to me?  I haven't slept well in four days.  I have two canker sores in my mouth (one is on my throat making it hard to swallow.  grrr and gross.)   I can feel my whole body tense up.  And I don't want to eat.  (Never in a million years did I think THOSE words would come out of my mouth.)    And the aches and pains in my body are intensified to the point I couldn't workout today.  And that really pisses me off.  The thing is, I know this will pass.  I know soon (although it might take a few weeks) everything will work out and then I will be bored out of my mind.  So tonight, I'm just glad to say.... thank God tomorrow is Wednesday.  And I'm trusting that He will give me some much needed peace and pain relief.